The Fear of Intimacy
Question:
Dear David,
I have this fear of attachment that hinders me from openly expressing my love and affection to others. When I am with my friends and family my heart is cold and I don’t feel any warm attachment or feeling toward others.
David Hoffmeister:
Beloved One,
Thanks for writing and opening up about what is troubling you. The fear of attachment of which you speak is really a fear of intimacy. This fear is not about sexual intimacy but it is the fear of revealing your innermost Self, believing that rejection or attachment may result. Love and affection are held back because of the belief in expectations attached to them. Love must be freely given to be Love, and it is the same with affection.
If there are strings attached to love and affection there are also unfulfilled expectations. You have the opportunity to open up and feel how good extending love feels. As you practice extending love and cultivate expressing affection as the Holy Spirit guides, it will seem more and more natural. You will be guided to opportunities for this and as you allow the Holy Spirit to shine through you, it will feel more and more natural. The old inhibitions are washed away in our shared Purpose, and the limits that were once placed on the mind begin to loosen and dissolve. Then, awareness shifts from getting to giving without expectations, and a feeling of Ease Guides you unfailingly.
As you do the inner work of forgiveness you will feel more vibrationally attuned to the Spirit and you will call forth witnesses to the state of mind you maintain. Everyone reflects the state of mind which is maintained and as you apply A Course in Miracles and as you flow more consistently in the miracle, you will feel the warmth and affection that flows from our shared Purpose. You will smile more frequently and as the Purpose becomes your focus it may seem as if you are wearing a smile almost always. You will also notice smiles and laughter all around and the love and affection you desire are apparent when our Purpose is apparent.
As you feel good within and confidently extend how you feel you will notice how effortless it becomes to ask a woman out on a date. And without expectations the date will be a joyful holy encounter. Let your confidence in the Holy Spirit grow and watch how it warms your heart. A warm glow is our natural state of mind.
Blessings of Love,
David